Why I am who I am

Not much happened during the past week so this will be another post full of reflections and deep thoughts.  I am afraid my brain never stops working and I like to think, wonder and analyse every bit of my life. I want to use this post to reply to those people, whom I constantly meet, that seem to think my life is always easy. Those are the people that think moving, travelling, putting myself in difficult situations is as easy for me as it is for them to surround themselves with what it is familiar. I am not the only one who has chosen this way of life first of all, and then, secondly life is never easy: neither for me nor for anyone else.

Sometimes I interrogate myself on the reasons that have pushed me into leaving my country, abandoning my friends and everything that was familiar for this life. Then I give a read through any Italian newspapers and all my doubts are cleared. But despite that I realise I have chosen a difficult path. I will always be in a disadvantage. I am not a native speaker, my accent gives away my origins most of the time, I don't know the culture or their way of doing things. Sometimes this disadvantage really discourages me and puts me on the verge of going down the easiest path.

At this point many of you would ask: seriously why? I sound like a bit of masochist, don't I? Well, the answer is simple; if I haven't done all this I wouldn't have lived! For me this is life: leaving the familiar for the unfamiliar, exploring, going beyond what it is known and experience. Eleanor Roosevelt used to say 'every day do something that scares you'. I wouldn't quite put it this way, life would become a nightmare if I had to scare myself to death everyday to feel alive but the point is clear here: try to create challenges for yourself and so you will feel alive.

I was forced to leave my previous life because I was unhappy, now I found a place to be happy but everyday I try to put myself out there to do what scares me. It is scary to start a job in a language that is not yours, with people that have a completely different working mentality but, it is rewarding when your work is appreciated because you know no matter how easy the job is, you had to put much more effort into it. It is that feeling of pride, of being content with yourself and your achievements that makes you want more. I keep doing this everyday, on daily basis. For example, I run because it is challenging for someone who didn't even want to walk down the street. I want to learn riding, play an instrument, draw and write because I have never done any of these and it will be a challenge.

I was scared when I moved to Russia, when I walked into my first lecture at university. I am planning trips that will take me to remote places because I want to keep on living, experiencing, exploring and discovering. It doesn't take courage for this at all. Courage has nothing to do with this, I am not brave but only a bit foolish and curious. Wasn't someone famous who once advised young graduates to 'stay hungry and foolish'?  Being brave is completely different and I want this to be absolutely clear to everyone.

I will keep on living like this because along the way I found out so many new things about myself and the world, because I made wonderful friends and I grew up. I don't think this takes courage but only enthusiasm, enthusiasm for life and what the world has to offer. If people think that it has been easy they are wrong, it hasn't been easy and it won't be but if I hadn't had designed my life all over again all this would have never happened. This is what makes it worth to challenge yourself and be scared because the reward is twice as good.

If I am who I am I owe it to my foolishness and curiosity. "My fear is my only courage" once said Bob Marley and my fear is living like I was already dead and this is the fear that really keeps me alive.

Spring news

Hello everyone!

It is funny to think that the last time I posted the latest news, it was a cold wintery day and today it already feels like spring.While I am writing I can glance outside the window and I see the sunlight coming through the chunky branches of the massive tree in the middle of the square, turning the stone of the buildings into gold. These are definitely the things that make me happy to be home. Bath, and the Cotswolds, is such a nice area with pretty little villages scattered around the hills and the fields. Just walking around makes you really glad to be here. Yesterday I went out with a friend for this year's first drink outdoors and then I had a nice dinner with an old friend from uni. 

Many things have happened as I'm working to make others happen. I have finally come to the conclusion that I want to work as a lawyer for a while before I go into charity work. I came to the decision that criminal law is something that would probably suit me better. So I have been looking out for different law firms that offer a training contract and I have selected a few. Right now I am gathering the material for the application. Having a new project is always exciting and this one is even more because I think I found a career path that might be the right one! I want to continue working in human rights but I think I can do that on the side, without being too involved into human rights or international law which doesn't seem to offer many jobs. It is difficult to get my head around the British system but I am sure I will find a firm willing to take me!

Finally I have found a job! I work for a software company. I know each and everyone of you would wonder what the hack I am doing in a software company but there is a reason. Despite the fact I don't know what the company does in the specifics, I was able to get the position thanks to my languages and my personal charm (!!!). For the moment the contract is temporary, which absolutely fine, considering that I am going back to studying in September and I want to travel in the summer. I am following a project that ironically involves talking on the phone most of the time. I say ironically because all of you that know me also know how much I hate the phone!!! I spent the last few weeks avoiding it and using emails as much as possible. I was sure that when they found out they would have probably fired me, instead they offered me a full time. I took it and now I am forced to speak on the phone 8 hours a day, damn it!

Despite the fact I clearly love my job, my colleagues are very nice and funny. They have a very typical and sarcastic British sense of humour that I find hilarious so, at least, I am having fun. Then, I can save up some money that is never bad, and possibly travel in the summer. My idea is to go somewhere hot but I am still deciding whether it is a good idea to travel in hot countries during the summer. My top destinations at the moment are Sicily, Morocco and Turkey. I am daydreaming most of the time now so I might add a few to the list soon.

I have also decided to take some driving lessons. I have had one so far which was quite terrifying at first. My 'instructor' explained me in every single detail how to start a car and drive, then I put my feet on the clutch and I give a good push to the accelerator....well I felt like the car was going to take off!!! Awful!!!! I didn't want to try again in my life for the next 15 minutes! Then I managed to get my courage back and turn on the engine again. After the initial scare I learnt to start the car so smoothly that you might think I am a Formula 1 driver!!!!

I keep training for the London 10K. I have now started a crazy routine that forces me to wake up three days a week at 6.30 to go running before work. Now you know how much I love to sleep but someone I hate running in the evenings and I found that a good run in a freezing temperature wakes me up faster than a good strong italian espresso! So here I am, getting out of the house incredibly early, run around the park and then get ready for work!

This is all for the moment, I am loving being home with my family and friends getting ready for my next adventure.
Hope you are all well and enjoying the first days of spring.