Reflections from a crazy fan

Music is a funny concept. It is such a huge part of what we are as human beings. Since the dawn of time humans have tried to create rhythm, to make music. Music brings people together. It can change your mood from sad to happy, from nostalgic to excited in just a few simple notes.

I have been a fan of U2 for 10 years now. The first time I heard them live I was 15. They had just released their album ‘How to dismantle an atomic bomb’ and ‘Vertigo’ was the song that made me first discover their work. I was a teenager then, going through all the troubles and doubts of a typical teenager. I thought them to be old. My mother’s age to be exact and so old in every sense of the way from a fifteen year old point of you. Anyway all of that didn’t matter. Their music struck me and I was captured.

Last night when Bono walked onto the stage, grabbed the microphone and started to sing my heart skipped a bit. I realised what their music really means to me. I was fifteen when ‘Vertigo’ came out. I had a completely different life and so many problems; most of them seemed unresolvable back then. Ten years later so much has changed. I am not the person I was ten years ago. I have lived in three different countries. I met wonderful people and made lifelong friends. I have new prospects and I am looking at a much bigger horizon of opportunities. All of this has happened with a very specific soundtrack: Bono’s voice and the music of U2. They have always accompanied me.

I moved to Ireland because I wanted to see where they came from, what made them the way they are. I found a nation that is still licking its wounds, a nation that is trying so hard to shape a better future for its people. U2 are able to describe this struggle in their songs.

It is strange to think that there is someone in the world, someone you have never met and never will who seems to know you so well. Their words express feelings I will never be able to express with the same eloquence. I know what it means to struggle to ‘show myself and getting out my soul’ or to ‘have big ideas and be out of control[1]’ in a conservative society, just like the eighteen year old in ‘Out of Control’.

I remember one afternoon coming back from school and feeling quite frustrated because a teacher had punished me for simply having spoken my mind and thinking that I could not stand to be in that suffocating environment anymore. Bono told me ‘if the night runs over and if the day won't last and if your way should falter along this stony pass. It's just a moment this time will pass[2]’. I held on to that for the rest of my school years. Everything ends and everyone finds their way, he told me that and he was right.

Throughout their songs U2 taught me compassion, tolerance and passion for justice because ‘Grace finds beauty in everything, Grace finds goodness in everything’. If there are words that could summarize the choices I made so far they come from this song:

‘I want to run

 I want to hide

I want to tear down the walls

That hold me inside

I want to reach out

And touch the flame

Where the streets have no name

I want to feel, sunlight on my face

See that dust cloud disappear without a trace

I want to take shelter from the poison rain[3]’

I know exactly what it means to have all that energy, that desire to make things better, to find your way when everyone around you wants you to conform and maybe in the process make a difference in this God-forsaken world.

I know ‘I still haven't found what I'm looking for but I believe in the Kingdom come and then all the colors will bleed into one[4]’. At the moment ‘yes, I am still running’ but U2 will continue to sing along with me to my dreams, my fears and my achievements because music has the power to be a faithful companion to our lives.

---

[1] “Out of Control” 1979, Paul Hewson- Dave Evans- Larry Mullen Jr- Adam Clayton

[2] “Stuck in a moment you can’t get out of” 2000, Paul Hewson-Dave Evans-Larry Mullen Jr-Adam Clayton

[3] “Where the Streets Have No Name” 1987, Paul Hewson-Dave Evans-Larry Mullen Jr-Adam Clayton

[4] “I’ve still haven’t found what I am looking for” 1987, Paul Hewson-Dave Evans-Larry Mullen Jr-Adam Clayton 

Goodbye my dear furry friend

It is  strange how those who can express less are the most missed.

My cat passed away, aged 17, yesterday. She had been my companion since I was six.  I love her deeply and dearly. Most people will frown upon, thinking she was just a cat but anyone who has or had pets knows they are not just cats or dogs.

She ruined me for other cats. I don't think I will ever have a cat again, not for a long time at least. I had her since I was that age when I thought pets were just toys. She taught me that they aren't in the most cruel way: by biting, hissing and scratching. I still bear the scars. She was never easy, I had to win her over. Our relationship was done of playing until she, fed up with my endless pranks, would take revenge on me when I less expected. She never loved me unconditionally but instead she taught me that she had character and personality and that could never change even when,at last, we  became friends.

I, on the other hand, loved her even more because she was more than a pet, she knew how to boss me around, she knew how to get my attention. Eventually, she won my heart, I will never know if I won hers but when she was old she would always look for me instead of my mother. There were things she only wanted me to do for her. 

I will miss her high-pitched meowing, her warm fur, her blue eyes and her unbelievably strong personality. She was a small cat but the role she played in my life was huge.

Sometimes, those who are less capable of showing their feelings and emotions are those capable of leaving the deepest impression in our hearts and you, Gancina, were just one of those.

Actually, what I am saying is not fair to her. She might have not had a voice but she surely could express her emotions; like when she would sleep by the door when I was not home, when I was at school and she would sit all  day in the armchair in my bedroom as she was guarding my possessions.

Gancina travelled; she knew the sound of a plane taking off, of a car braking and the sea. She was a brave cat who deeply trusted the people she loved. She went to France and Britain. She knew the sound of different languages.

Gancina, you taught me how to love and take care of others, how to respect others' needs and priorities. You taught me when I was very young and in need of good lessons. I am an only child, and I had just a few friends in my childhood, and I grew up and played with her like you would do with any other sibling. 

You will be much missed Gancina but you will never be forgotten. The house must be empty without you. it is extraordinary how such a tiny little thing can leave a huge void when she goes. 

I want to remember you running in the fields, chasing mice, hunting down crickets, birds and little snakes. I want to rememeber you like that because I am sure you were happy then. I hope that in cats heaven they have fields and mice to chase so you can be happy again.

Why I am who I am

Not much happened during the past week so this will be another post full of reflections and deep thoughts.  I am afraid my brain never stops working and I like to think, wonder and analyse every bit of my life. I want to use this post to reply to those people, whom I constantly meet, that seem to think my life is always easy. Those are the people that think moving, travelling, putting myself in difficult situations is as easy for me as it is for them to surround themselves with what it is familiar. I am not the only one who has chosen this way of life first of all, and then, secondly life is never easy: neither for me nor for anyone else.

Sometimes I interrogate myself on the reasons that have pushed me into leaving my country, abandoning my friends and everything that was familiar for this life. Then I give a read through any Italian newspapers and all my doubts are cleared. But despite that I realise I have chosen a difficult path. I will always be in a disadvantage. I am not a native speaker, my accent gives away my origins most of the time, I don't know the culture or their way of doing things. Sometimes this disadvantage really discourages me and puts me on the verge of going down the easiest path.

At this point many of you would ask: seriously why? I sound like a bit of masochist, don't I? Well, the answer is simple; if I haven't done all this I wouldn't have lived! For me this is life: leaving the familiar for the unfamiliar, exploring, going beyond what it is known and experience. Eleanor Roosevelt used to say 'every day do something that scares you'. I wouldn't quite put it this way, life would become a nightmare if I had to scare myself to death everyday to feel alive but the point is clear here: try to create challenges for yourself and so you will feel alive.

I was forced to leave my previous life because I was unhappy, now I found a place to be happy but everyday I try to put myself out there to do what scares me. It is scary to start a job in a language that is not yours, with people that have a completely different working mentality but, it is rewarding when your work is appreciated because you know no matter how easy the job is, you had to put much more effort into it. It is that feeling of pride, of being content with yourself and your achievements that makes you want more. I keep doing this everyday, on daily basis. For example, I run because it is challenging for someone who didn't even want to walk down the street. I want to learn riding, play an instrument, draw and write because I have never done any of these and it will be a challenge.

I was scared when I moved to Russia, when I walked into my first lecture at university. I am planning trips that will take me to remote places because I want to keep on living, experiencing, exploring and discovering. It doesn't take courage for this at all. Courage has nothing to do with this, I am not brave but only a bit foolish and curious. Wasn't someone famous who once advised young graduates to 'stay hungry and foolish'?  Being brave is completely different and I want this to be absolutely clear to everyone.

I will keep on living like this because along the way I found out so many new things about myself and the world, because I made wonderful friends and I grew up. I don't think this takes courage but only enthusiasm, enthusiasm for life and what the world has to offer. If people think that it has been easy they are wrong, it hasn't been easy and it won't be but if I hadn't had designed my life all over again all this would have never happened. This is what makes it worth to challenge yourself and be scared because the reward is twice as good.

If I am who I am I owe it to my foolishness and curiosity. "My fear is my only courage" once said Bob Marley and my fear is living like I was already dead and this is the fear that really keeps me alive.

Spring news

Hello everyone!

It is funny to think that the last time I posted the latest news, it was a cold wintery day and today it already feels like spring.While I am writing I can glance outside the window and I see the sunlight coming through the chunky branches of the massive tree in the middle of the square, turning the stone of the buildings into gold. These are definitely the things that make me happy to be home. Bath, and the Cotswolds, is such a nice area with pretty little villages scattered around the hills and the fields. Just walking around makes you really glad to be here. Yesterday I went out with a friend for this year's first drink outdoors and then I had a nice dinner with an old friend from uni. 

Many things have happened as I'm working to make others happen. I have finally come to the conclusion that I want to work as a lawyer for a while before I go into charity work. I came to the decision that criminal law is something that would probably suit me better. So I have been looking out for different law firms that offer a training contract and I have selected a few. Right now I am gathering the material for the application. Having a new project is always exciting and this one is even more because I think I found a career path that might be the right one! I want to continue working in human rights but I think I can do that on the side, without being too involved into human rights or international law which doesn't seem to offer many jobs. It is difficult to get my head around the British system but I am sure I will find a firm willing to take me!

Finally I have found a job! I work for a software company. I know each and everyone of you would wonder what the hack I am doing in a software company but there is a reason. Despite the fact I don't know what the company does in the specifics, I was able to get the position thanks to my languages and my personal charm (!!!). For the moment the contract is temporary, which absolutely fine, considering that I am going back to studying in September and I want to travel in the summer. I am following a project that ironically involves talking on the phone most of the time. I say ironically because all of you that know me also know how much I hate the phone!!! I spent the last few weeks avoiding it and using emails as much as possible. I was sure that when they found out they would have probably fired me, instead they offered me a full time. I took it and now I am forced to speak on the phone 8 hours a day, damn it!

Despite the fact I clearly love my job, my colleagues are very nice and funny. They have a very typical and sarcastic British sense of humour that I find hilarious so, at least, I am having fun. Then, I can save up some money that is never bad, and possibly travel in the summer. My idea is to go somewhere hot but I am still deciding whether it is a good idea to travel in hot countries during the summer. My top destinations at the moment are Sicily, Morocco and Turkey. I am daydreaming most of the time now so I might add a few to the list soon.

I have also decided to take some driving lessons. I have had one so far which was quite terrifying at first. My 'instructor' explained me in every single detail how to start a car and drive, then I put my feet on the clutch and I give a good push to the accelerator....well I felt like the car was going to take off!!! Awful!!!! I didn't want to try again in my life for the next 15 minutes! Then I managed to get my courage back and turn on the engine again. After the initial scare I learnt to start the car so smoothly that you might think I am a Formula 1 driver!!!!

I keep training for the London 10K. I have now started a crazy routine that forces me to wake up three days a week at 6.30 to go running before work. Now you know how much I love to sleep but someone I hate running in the evenings and I found that a good run in a freezing temperature wakes me up faster than a good strong italian espresso! So here I am, getting out of the house incredibly early, run around the park and then get ready for work!

This is all for the moment, I am loving being home with my family and friends getting ready for my next adventure.
Hope you are all well and enjoying the first days of spring.

Some news from rainy Bath

Back in the day I promised I would give you some news from home and then I realised it has been almost a month since my last post.

I am home and even though it feels weird living with my parents again and mostly sitting around waiting for job to turn up, I am really glad I made this choice. Being home is good to relax after months of stress and really focus on what I want to do with my life. 

Then it is not true that I am just sitting around because I have found a job, starting tomorrow actually! I am not totally sure what it really involves but it is in sales, not my favourite job but if I save up enough money I can travel a bit in the summer! 

I am also, finally, certain about my law career. I believe I want to practice at least for a few years and I would like to work as a  criminal law because I think it is the closest to human rights law, that could be useful whenever I want to work in that sector. I had an interview last week when they ask me thousands of questions and I am waiting to hear from them! Scary!!

Finally, I have found a very interesting volunteering programme with the Bristol Courts. It is a charity that provides victims of crime and witnesses with support during trials. It could be very useful to build some legal experience and to really understand what I would like to do within the sector.

Things seem to be moving in the direction I wish them to and I am very happy! 

In addition,  I am with my friends and family which is always nice. As expected I miss the people I have met in Brussels and sometimes I miss living in a big city; it would take me half an hour to get to the university every day and I have to go to another city! It is funny sometimes to think how small the place I live in is!

These are the latest news but I will keep you posted with the developments!

Hope you are all well! Take care 

Leaving Brussels was a bit harder than expected!

This would be the last entry from Brussels! I have just one hour left here. Weird, uh? I arrived here more than six months ago and they have gone so fast. I am waiting for the train now and here in the station lounge it is the best place to reflect. Probably not many of you will agree but if you’ve followed me from the beginning you would know already that I have a big inclination for reflection.

These six months were very hard, on a personal level of course. I know my experience would have been much more enjoyable if I hadn't been such a mess. I met incredible people with whom I hope to stay in touch in the future, but I have to apologise to these people for not always being the best companion of nights out and fun outings. Right now I feel like a cloth that has been used, shuffled around, thrown in a corner and left there. I have to reconstruct my life because lately big pieces of it  fell under the pressure of time. Life changes even when you don't want it to change and getting used to it turns to be more difficult that we imagine. So, I apologise to everyone that had to deal with my italian mood swings; despite the impression that I have probably given, you helped to make this experience a great one and I have to thank you.

That said, I can't believe I am actually sitting here waiting for the train. Earlier today it didn’t look like I was going to make it. Two friends came to pick me up from home to go the station, early enough to catch the Eurostar. We took the metro and we were at the station in time. I went to change some euros into pounds (because with my bag stolen last week I had to cancel my card) and  then we made it to the terminal. When we got there this short Belgian woman broke the news: you can’t carry more that two pieces of luggage on the train! Basically the only solution I had was to check my luggage and had it sent to London. Unfortunately I had only five minutes before the train would leave. I thought I was going to have a heart-attack! What???? If I had missed the train I wouldn’t have any money to pay for it!! 

We ran to the check-in, got lost a few times thanks to the lady’s detailed instructions. Once the luggage was checked in, we ran to the terminal only to find out that I couldn't get on the train anymore! We all tried to argue my way in but the lady was so angry! It’s funny how harsh French people sound when they are angry. All the beauty and musicality of the language disappears. Everyone says German is harsh but it’s because they never heard an angry French speaker! Also I don't think German is that harsh, I think it is very elegant. Probably because I never had to deal with angry Germans!!

Anyway, I couldn't get on the train and so the lady showed some mercy and decided to let me on the next train without paying extra despite my ticket being non refundable and not exchangeable. My friends took great care of me and helped in every possible way. I would have never made without them. 

The problem was and still is the train from London to Bath. At the station you can buy train tickets within the UK but unfortunately the only one available was more than 80 euros! My parents managed to change the ticket online. It is funny how now that I am writing everything down, it all sounds less dramatic than it felt while I was living it. 

Anyway, here I am ready to board! I feel like I am going to leave behind a different me. It won’t be the case probably but it feels like living in Brussels was a continuous lesson. It was my first office job, the first experience abroad without any real help. Before I had gone abroad but someone sorted out the accommodation and other various things for me. Here I had to find a place to live, taking responsibilities for my job, I had to make friends etc. I make it sound like I am a very naive girl who hasn't seen anything in her life. It is not true; I lived in Ireland when I was 15, in Russia when I was 21 but every time it was something organised by someone else. Of course I had to get by while I was there but I didn't have to worry about food or accommodation. 

The experience was a great one on my levels, but I am happy to go home. I will have a real chance to put my life together, to understand what I really like and want to do and I get to live in one of my favourite countries surrounded by friends and family. Right it is all I need, I need to feel cared for, loved and safe without any worries and pressure. I feel like I can relax and focus on myself and my needs. I have to thank Brussels because like any other time I was away from home, I had the opportunity, to learn, to grow and meet interesting and different people. I guess this is what makes moving abroad so great the feeling that every time you have something to gain from it. 

Right now I am probably really overwhelmed by different kind of emotions and I will probably be able to explain myself better later when things calm down a bit. Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you that I won’t stop writing, sorry! I figured I have so many friend scattered around the globe that is good for them to have something they can read anytime they want to know how I am getting on. So now I can say to the next time!

Last few days in Brussels

I am back in Brussels after the holidays. I got back two weeks ago. I was lost and depressed. Leaving home felt completely wrong and unnatural, so I promised myself I was never going to leave again. Of course the feeling didn't last long but I believe that was a sign, a sign that I should take into consideration.

My arrival in Brussels was a bit comic. I got off the smallest airplane in the world feeling like shit and by the lack of directions I soon realised I was in Belgium! Understanding how to get to the terminal was not easy! Collecting my bag was not an easy task either: blind, hungry and ill I had to work out the Belgian signs risking to end up on a connecting flight to Jakarta! Anyway once I got my bag I looked for the elevator, I found it and it wasn't working so I had to take a very crowded escalator to the station. I bought myself a ticket for the earliest train but because the one before was delayed I managed to get on early. I was very happy and thought I had been struck by luck but then the train was stuck at the platform for no apparent reason while the ticket officer was keeping the doors open for anyone who wanted to get on! I was standing there wondering what the hell was going on. Finally we set off probably very much delayed! 

I was trying so hard not to think about home that I completely forgot about letting my family know I was safely home. My father in a panic attack called the hotel next door to ask the receptionist to ring our flat and see if anybody was home. There we were and everything was good again. I felt really bad for not giving any news on my whereabouts but I was so torn, disappointed and sad for leaving home (and especially my cat who had died that afternoon) that I couldn't make myself even think about it. 

So here I am. Ten more days in Brussels and then I will be home. I am happy to go home. Everyone probably knows that I love my home and being home. This doesn't mean that I won't miss it here. I will miss the office, my colleagues and all the lovely people I have met in these past six months. For half a year I have been a Bruxelloise and it has been a great experience!

I will leave considerations and other reflections for my last post from Belgium but I will try to describe how I feel. I need to get it out of the system. This has been a tough period for me, Brussels will always be associated with sad memories but it won't be a sad memory. Because of the many things that happened in the last few months I believe that my place is at home with my loved ones. 

I have a strange feeling inside, though. A mix of excitement, anticipation and sadness. Sadness because every time we leave, we inevitably leave a piece of us behind. We meet people along the way, we grow up and we learn and then we leave and somehow not everything comes with us. 

You can understand why I am excited, though. For me this is the beginning of a new adventure.  I am going to study law, something that will help me get a bit closer to my dream job. I will meet new people and reorganise my life. Every time I move I feel like life has given me another chance to redo things  better, another chance to improve and become a better person. Maybe this is the reason why I am so restless; when I am not happy with myself I just pack and buy a ticket to a new destination. This won't be the case this time. This time I have to win over my instincts and stick to one place!

So next time I write to you I will be on my way home! I still have to decide what I am going to do with this blog but stay tuned for one last post from Brussels! 

I don't know what's happened to Italy...

Today, like any other day, I opened the homepage of one of the leading Italian newspapers, La Repubblica. While scrolling down, an article on Genova comes up. Genova used to be my hometown, there I lived for almost 18 years. The article explained how despite the leading role the city had in Italian history, nowadays it is just a place where people without a future live in frustration.

I haven't been to Genova in at least a year,  but I have been in Italy now and then during these two last years. Every time I felt a sense of decadence, a decadence that I can't see in Belgium or UK, for example. When I get off the plane I see a country that doesn't resemble, even the slightest, the country in my memories. I see that people are disenchanted and disappointed because the government and the state have let them down. 

I still have many friends and relatives to whom I speak regularly. Something in their voices has changed. They seem to have lost the strength to feel indignant about the all situation.  The loss of jobs, the rise in unemployment, the deterioration of services and quality of life seems to have come to them gradually and gradually they have got used to it. Whenever I say it is wrong to be apathetic they just lift their arms (in true Italian style!)  and say: "Nothing can be changed!". I sense a general idea that it is deeply wrong to be angry or indignant, that anger is purposeless if nothing will ever change.

I believe that it is our inability to feel angry that has created this apparently unsolvable situation, though. Politicians and the ruling class in general assume that they don't need to be accountable, they can just do whatever they like because people will never show their anger, It is a democracy for the politicians and not for the citizens. I can understand this feeling of resignation for those, slightly older, who think they've seen it all but not for the younger generations. Being angry and wishing to change the world is a characteristic of youngsters. We all believe we have a unique power to make things better, but why Italian boys and girl don't feel that too?

For most of us, life has become so unbearable that we have all run away. Now Italians are among the Europeans that most migrate within the European Union, why is that? Because resignation and disillusionment has finally won us over and we believe that moving away is the only way to pursue our goals. I strongly believe that too, it is in every human's instinct to do everything that is possible to survive. So if a boat is sinking naturally we would try to swim away to the shore. One question, though, remains to those who decide to stay on the boat and save what it is possible to save, why aren't you doing everything that is in your power to save the boat?

It is not a matter of cowardness and braveness; it is a question of choices. When you decide to go you fight to achieve all your goals but if you decide to stay then you should do whatever it is possible to make your home a better place for you and future generations. No one wants to live in a country where there are no jobs and no promises, where services are unreliable, where education has collapsed and people have lost their ability to dream. If no one wants to live in a country like this, there is nothing wrong in being angry if this sentiment is a constructive anger that will take us to building a better nation and  a better country.

I would like to see again the country of my childhood, when people still believed change was possible and I am looking at you, Italians still in Italy. I don't belong to that reality anymore, I don't know what doesn't work and what needs to be changed but I know that you do. Italy's future is in your hands!

I am super excited! So excited that I can’t even sleep anymore. I have great news to share with you. Actually it took me a while before I was completely sure that I would have posted it on here. 

As you all know, a few weeks ago I sent my application to law school in Bristol. Well….. I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED, which means that from September 2014 I will be law student!

It is a great opportunity and a very useful degree. With a degree in law I will have more access to the jobs I want to do. 

The course is two years long altogether; the first year is focused on learning the basics and the second is mainly practice. At the end of the two years you can take the bar exam, a thing that I will certainly do. I don’t know if I want to practice yet but at least I will make sure that if I don’t manage to go into human rights I can always work in a law firm. Now I just have to decide whether I want to be a barrister or a solicitor. 

I have never thought I could have been a lawyer to be honest, but now, I feel like I could have never done anything else. I am a curious person who likes to study and investigate and appreciates reason and logics so I believe these are good qualities for a lawyer.

This is the last month of my internship and I am already trying to find something to do afterwards. My idea was to go back home and find a paid job so I can start saving money for tuition fees. In case I am able to save more money than I thought, during the summer I will try to find more internships in the women’s rights field.

Furthermore, and especially in order to gain more experience in what I am interested, I have found an organisation in Bristol that provides support and shelter to women who are victims of all sorts of abuses: from domestic violence to discrimination. They provide training for new volunteers. They seem pretty serious and I want to give it a try.




This is what is happening in the next few months more or less, in the more immediate time I am flying back to the UK for the holidays on Friday (can’t wait already!). I will stay in Bath till Sunday and then it is London Sunday and Monday yeahhhhhh! Rest of the holidays? Just relax and enjoy my life!!!!!! 

Hope you will have a great Christmas too!!!

Goodbye Madiba

On Thursday December 5th Nelson Mandela passed away. He was South Africa's first black President. He was the first President of a free and democratic South African state. I will always remember how I found out of his departure. I felt a sense of deep sadness, of incommensurable loss. I felt inconsolable. 

I am too young to remember his struggle, his great achievements and his presidency and yet it was like I had lost someone very close to me. People like Mandela have the power to influence our lives even when their actions don't directly affect us. Everyone has learnt something from the exemplary life of this great man and I am among those, surely.

Since I was a child, I have heard of his name, his role in ending apartheid in South Africa, of his Nobel Prize and all the great things he had accomplished, but the first time I realised the greatness of the man was, sadly, when I was watching Clint Eastwood's inspirational film 'Invictus'. The scene when Matt Damon playing Francois Pienaar goes to visit the cell where President Mandela spent almost 27 years of his life really struck me. I couldn't believe that a man, so gentle and kind, had found the strength to survive so many years of forced labour, detention, segregation and maltreatment and never lose hope. 

What astonishes me even more is his ability to forgive. He came out of prison and what he wished for his country was not black domination or vengeance but a 'rainbow nation' where no skin colour or race would dominate the others; a country where everyone is equally free and has equal opportunities. We always find forgiving very difficult. I think it is part of human nature not being able to forgive our enemies entirely and imagining a man who is subjugated  all his life to that type of discrimination would naturally learn only to hate, but instead Madiba learnt to love. That is an invaluable life lesson.

I am writing this post because I want to thank him, thank him because he never gave up and he taught to all of us the power of hope, ideas and moral strength. He taught us that we should never give up until we achieve what we believe in. He taught us that all men are equal and we are all brothers. He taught us to look for our good side because there is always something good in each of us. He taught to be guided by our hopes and not our fears because our strength exists in our power to overcome these fears. We are human but our greatness lies in our humanity, just like Mandela's moral stature lied in his humility.

One last teaching will always remain in my heart: his smile. Mandela went through life with that smile, with a positive attitude and an ironic approach to his sufferings, something only those who are sure of the power of their ideals are able to do.

So, today we say goodbye to Mandela the man and we greet his eternal legacy. 

Christmas is just around the corner...

So here we are, Christmas is around the corner and my working experience at Human Rights Watch is almost over. I have so many projects for the next ‘adventure’ but they all mainly involve reshaping my life focusing on education and some more personal aspects. I have learnt a lot from this experience in Brussels, mainly on the personal level, and this makes it a positive staying. Now I know who I am and what I want and I owe all this to these months here. Since I should probably leave this reflections for my last blog from Brussels, I will move onto something else.

It feels like I haven’t posted on the blog in a while and so I don’t really know where to start. I should probably begin with my friend’s visit from London two weeks ago. I had been looking forward to the weekend for a while, especially because the last time we had seen each other was right before I left for Belgium and for us it is quite a long time. When she used to live in Bath we would see each other at least once a week, I felt like I was always at her place and so I had really missed her. I don’t think Brussels is super exciting, especially if you come from London, but despite that we had a really good weekend. On Friday I went to meet her at the station and I treated her to a hypercaloric dinner involving mostly pancakes and Belgian chocolate. Saturday, we first went to have brunch near Grand Place so she could see the most beautiful bits of the city and then we just walked around. I took her to the European area, my office (now one of the highlights of Brussels) and the rest of the centre. The weather was very nice; cold but dry. In the evening we had dinner with a bunch of my colleague in Matonge, the African neighbourhood, in a very nice Senegalese restaurant. It was a very nice way for her of spending Saturday night in Brussels. If there is one thing that makes Brussels special is the mix of people from different African and Middle Eastern countries that add colour and life to the city. Matonge is definitely a good example of that. Then we moved to a bar when she could try the famous Belgian beer. That didn’t go down very well or better I think it was a bit of a shock for my friend, so I don’t think she will have another Belgian beer again. On Sunday we decided to take it very easy and so we just went to have lunch in a nice Ethiopian restaurant not far from my place and spent most of the day watching tv series, exchanging pieces of advice about any possible girly topic you can think of and making silly plans!

In conclusion, the weekend was lovely. It was so great spending time with her, chatting and catching up. I believe that you can tell someone is a good friend when you can have fun even without doing anything cool or crazy. The feeling coming from a good friendship is one of the most special.

The next thing I am looking forward to would be Christmas, now. Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I love when the weather gets colder and all you are craving for is a good cup of tea, a blanket and a lit fireplace. I love the magic of Christmas and the preparations. I always feel so excited and full of hope. Just before Christmas I am going to London to visit a friend (yeah the friend who just visited) and then mom is joining me for a last minute Christmas shopping. I feel like we haven't done this, a day out in London just the two of us, in a while. I am so excited that I am already thinking of the many places we can go to: a new exhibition, a nice lunch, a look at some shops we don't have in Bath and maybe a nice afternoon tea to get into the Christmas spirit. I always overplan this things without taking into consideration that I have just a few hours in London not an entire week!!

Apart from my excitement over Christmas, everything is going pretty well. Because of the coming-up holidays the workload has decreased dramatically (I am writing the entry from the office!) but it is still interesting. Thanks to the fact that we work for an international organisation we have the opportunity to go to meetings and talks at the European Parliament. Those are always interesting and mind-opening and then because of the office location, many researchers come here and they kindly take some time to talk to us interns and give insights into their work. It is very useful for someone who is just starting his/her career and is still looking around for opportunities and possibilities.

Belgium still looks like a crazy and disorganised country to me. It is very difficult to explain as I think you need to come here and see it for yourself. A couple of days ago I was walking home from the metro station. It was early, probably around 6 or so. Soon I realised that the streets were pretty busy and while I was trying to determine the reason, I noticed that everyone was drunk!!! What the hell they were doing at 6pm completely wasted all dotted along my way home? That I couldn't find out but once I reached my street there were also many policemen who were trying to deal with all these drunkards. Now, there is no police on earth that looks less harmless than the Belgian police. They are all very short and small with this blue uniform that looks more like the one a technician from your local gas company would wear, and they just stand around in groups chatting all the time. I know Belgium is very quiet and safe but I don’t know how that is even possible with this kind of police force. One would probably argue that the Italian Carabinieri carry machine guns most of the time and if you go to Naples you definitely don’t feel secure! But I mean Italian have to deal with Mafia, of course things sometimes get out of their control! But Belgian? Maybe they just walk around thinking: “Our Italian colleagues deal with horrible stuff everyday. We don’t need to worry so I just act cool!”

The metro and train stations still don’t make any sense to me and I feel like everyday something new and a bit insane could happen. Last week we had problems with the metro. What would happen for five days in a row always at rush hour was that the train frequency was reduced for some mysterious reason. As you can probably imagined things got out of control pretty quickly. All the people that are trying to go to work in the morning and back home in the afternoon are ready to fight their way onto the train and by reducing the train frequency you might get three times the amount of people on just one carriage! I had my moments too: I pushed, stepped on other people’s feet and fought as well but also I was just an inch to give up and walk home so many times!

Nevertheless, I think Brussels is a easy city to live in. You can literally walk anywhere and if you need to use public transport you wouldn't travel more than 30 minutes. It is very quiet and it has some cool places but they mainly involve food and beer. Even though it is ok in general, you can get tired of it pretty easily too. If that happens you are still nicely located in the middle of Europe with convenient connections to Amsterdam, Paris, Berlin, London and other major European cities. The Flemish countryside is lovely too and it has some nice villages and little towns not more than an hour away from the city. When you get tired, it is easy to escape!!!

Last weekend I decided to take it very easy. As you all know I just like to spend some time on my own now and then, it’s good to recharge. I made big plans about all the things I would have finally got done but none of it happened really. Instead, I baked cookies, had long reading mornings in bed with a nice cup of tea and draw. On Sunday I went to Ghent just for the day. I enjoyed it more this time. I think winter just makes everything pretty, it was just missing the Christmas atmosphere a bit. We had a tour of the castle and enjoyed the stunning with from the top of the tower. We also had a look at the disturbing torture museum that just made even more sure that sometimes man is worse than animals; animals don’t invent horrific devices to torture one another! Then, to end the day we stopped for hot chocolate and a waffle, so good!!!

This week all of us colleagues are going to see the Christmas market that just opened last weekend and then we have scheduled a tasting trip to a Moroccan restaurant that is very good, according to my flatmate. I have also had a look at their website and the place looks like something out of a postcard from Marrakech (Lately I have been having this crush on Morocco!).

I realise this is quite a long post and I am sorry but I felt I owe to the people waiting for news!

Enjoy the pictures and stay tuned for next time!

New plans and exciting projects

It is Sunday and all sundays bring with them a bit of pensive mood, when you rethink all your life and completely restructure it and then follow exactly the same path the following Monday. Anyway, this is not going to be a depressive, super analytical post where I bother you with all my problems, this is a post full of projects and expectations!

I have just over two months left here in Brussels and I have been thinking about what to do next. I came up with a whole project just a few days ago. It took me almost a week to develop it fully but I think it is pretty good now and I shall start working on implementing it. I know that as soon as I put it down in writing it will probably sound quite childish and stupid but it is the closest I have to a realistic and easy to put-in-action plan so it is pretty good for my standards. It doesn't involve moving to the South Pacific looking for mermaids or something that bizarre. It is my speciality making up projects that are just impossible! So this time is something a bit more down to earth, I guess. I am a bit disappointed because I would always be on the run if I could. I mean, the world is so big and vast why should I just sit somewhere and wonder how it would be like to be in a completely different reality? Just go!! This is the answer! But I have just recently figured out that if I really want to do that I need to sacrifice a few years stuck somewhere a bit less adventurous.

This working experience here helped me understand what I want to do and what I don't. I am definitely not pursuing a career in communications. It is not for me and I don't like what it brings and involves. I know I want to work in human rights, because it makes me feel right with my conscience and you meet amazing people that live in the most atrocious and inhumane conditions but they still find the strength to smile and fight for a better life. Everyday it is a life lesson and knowing that through my job I can help those people in their fight is a rewarding sensation. Therefore, this is what I want to do; I want to find a specialisation and do that for the rest of my life. I think I would like to work on women' rights. It is something I feel very passionate about and there are so many women still facing abuses around the world. I went to an event at the European Parliament last week on women's rights. They showed a film produced by a Swedish human rights organisation. The film tells the stories of three women activists who focus on different aspects of women's rights in Abkhazia, in the Kurdish area of Iraq and Liberia. It really made an impression on me, maybe because as a woman I feel really close to those situations. I can only imagine what it might feel being a woman in those societies but I thought that since I probably had more opportunities (and considerably less courage sic!) I should use what I learnt to helping their cause. 

Therefore, I believe I need to study law. At least the majority of people that are working in the field  I want to work in have a degree in law. The degree would make me much more qualified to work in human rights organisations and then I will specialise on women's rights. I would probably need to campaign or take part in some initiatives but I think I would need another degree for sure. I thought extensively where I should start my law career. The best bet is the UK. For those not familiar with the system, in the United Kingdom, you can take two years of law conversion whatever your previous degree is and qualify as a lawyer. Unfortunately, the costs are very high. I thought about France but I believe the system works a bit like Italy; I would have to study four or five more years. 

I also thought about Italy. It is my language, my culture (or maybe not anymore) and it is free! Now, don't take any offence here, my Italian friends and relatives but the news from Italy are quite disturbing and worrying. The country is apparently sinking to its lowest point. I don't know if it is true but a few weeks ago I read in the papers that the economy is doing so badly we are not even part of the G8 anymore and we have been overcome by Russia! As someone put it: 'Italy is almost a third world country and you don't want to hold a degree from a third world country!' Well I won't put it quite so harshly but I believe I will not find myself familiar with the mentality and the way of doing things. Often I see when I speak with Italians that have not lived or travelled much abroad that we don't perceive the world in the same way, that we have completely different ideas about life and what surrounds us. Despite the free education I don't see many other reasons to go there. 

The bottomline is that I will go back to England and more specifically Bath and find myself a job. During the time I will spend in Bath I will apply for the Law Conversion Degree at the University of Bristol.  I will try to invest the money I earn into the degree and because I would live home (this is the less adventurous part for sure!) I will save up on accommodation and other living costs. Then during the summer with the money left I will do some internships just to build up the right experience. 

This is the plan and this is what I am probably going to do for the next three years, maybe! I believe working is still essential because I cannot afford to be out of the job market for three years as my mother suggested and so internships plus any paid jobs are the answer. I have already applied to a few. I always do that; when I make a new project I can wait to start. I had an interview already but I don't think there will be a second one. I didn't like the way the job sounded and I didn't do a follow up after the interview so they probably took it as a sign of my great interest. The job was with Bentley motors (!!!) and it involved dealing with customers enquires and spending my whole day over the phone. They were very interested in my Russian but they don't know I haven't got the slightest idea on how to drive a car or how it works even, and can you imagine trying to understand how an engine works in Russian? Well, I can't so I don't think I fit for the job!!! 

Then I had another offer with a Catholic school and I had to fill a rather lengthy application that even asked for references from my parish!! Of course I do have references from the priest, the Church is my second favourite place after the Catholic school I went to. I mean, I consider myself a Catholic and I believe, I have my doubts but I believe but truly I am not really a regular at the my parish! So I don't think that went down very well and I bet I won't hear from them either. I had a success though. I applied for a position in an international advertising agency based in Bristol and they are so interested in meeting me that they even agreed in waiting to have the interview when I am back to Bath, just before Christmas. I have a good feeling about this so fingers crossed!!

For the rest, everything is going well. I had two nice weeks. Winter is coming but Brussels looks lovely and I just love the period before Christmas. It is full of expectations and dreams and it is just magical. I also think winter suits my nostalgic and melancholic character.

Two weeks ago I went to the Hammam or Turkish Bath and it was a wonderful experience! At the beginning I didn't feel very comfortable at all. Having these big women scrubbing my whole body but after it I felt so good that I am thinking about taking a friend from England next week! I think it is a great experience if you have never been. Last week I went shopping and I bought myself the nicest dress, I love it so much that I just want to wear it all the time now! I am so crazy when I buy something new! I can take it off! It really suits me and I immediately fell in love. It is from a French brand Sessun. A friend introduced me to it and it was a great discovery. Yesterday I watched two games of rugby in a row for the first time in my life and actually enjoyed them. I am  improving. I believe I am finally getting all the fuss about sport. I mean I really enjoy running (even though I could never race and I don't enjoy running with other people) and for me that is a huge success! For tomorrow, Armistice Day in Belgium, I am debating on whether to go to see a military parade in a town in the North but I am so lazy these days!!

I realised this is a very long post and I should probably stop here now! I hope this finds you well and I will be back next week! A friend is coming to visit and I can't wait!!!!!!! 

Enjoy your Sunday evening!