I am back in Brussels after the holidays. I got back two weeks ago. I was lost and depressed. Leaving home felt completely wrong and unnatural, so I promised myself I was never going to leave again. Of course the feeling didn't last long but I believe that was a sign, a sign that I should take into consideration.
My arrival in Brussels was a bit comic. I got off the smallest airplane in the world feeling like shit and by the lack of directions I soon realised I was in Belgium! Understanding how to get to the terminal was not easy! Collecting my bag was not an easy task either: blind, hungry and ill I had to work out the Belgian signs risking to end up on a connecting flight to Jakarta! Anyway once I got my bag I looked for the elevator, I found it and it wasn't working so I had to take a very crowded escalator to the station. I bought myself a ticket for the earliest train but because the one before was delayed I managed to get on early. I was very happy and thought I had been struck by luck but then the train was stuck at the platform for no apparent reason while the ticket officer was keeping the doors open for anyone who wanted to get on! I was standing there wondering what the hell was going on. Finally we set off probably very much delayed!
I was trying so hard not to think about home that I completely forgot about letting my family know I was safely home. My father in a panic attack called the hotel next door to ask the receptionist to ring our flat and see if anybody was home. There we were and everything was good again. I felt really bad for not giving any news on my whereabouts but I was so torn, disappointed and sad for leaving home (and especially my cat who had died that afternoon) that I couldn't make myself even think about it.
So here I am. Ten more days in Brussels and then I will be home. I am happy to go home. Everyone probably knows that I love my home and being home. This doesn't mean that I won't miss it here. I will miss the office, my colleagues and all the lovely people I have met in these past six months. For half a year I have been a Bruxelloise and it has been a great experience!
I will leave considerations and other reflections for my last post from Belgium but I will try to describe how I feel. I need to get it out of the system. This has been a tough period for me, Brussels will always be associated with sad memories but it won't be a sad memory. Because of the many things that happened in the last few months I believe that my place is at home with my loved ones.
I have a strange feeling inside, though. A mix of excitement, anticipation and sadness. Sadness because every time we leave, we inevitably leave a piece of us behind. We meet people along the way, we grow up and we learn and then we leave and somehow not everything comes with us.
You can understand why I am excited, though. For me this is the beginning of a new adventure. I am going to study law, something that will help me get a bit closer to my dream job. I will meet new people and reorganise my life. Every time I move I feel like life has given me another chance to redo things better, another chance to improve and become a better person. Maybe this is the reason why I am so restless; when I am not happy with myself I just pack and buy a ticket to a new destination. This won't be the case this time. This time I have to win over my instincts and stick to one place!
So next time I write to you I will be on my way home! I still have to decide what I am going to do with this blog but stay tuned for one last post from Brussels!
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