Leaving Brussels was a bit harder than expected!

This would be the last entry from Brussels! I have just one hour left here. Weird, uh? I arrived here more than six months ago and they have gone so fast. I am waiting for the train now and here in the station lounge it is the best place to reflect. Probably not many of you will agree but if you’ve followed me from the beginning you would know already that I have a big inclination for reflection.

These six months were very hard, on a personal level of course. I know my experience would have been much more enjoyable if I hadn't been such a mess. I met incredible people with whom I hope to stay in touch in the future, but I have to apologise to these people for not always being the best companion of nights out and fun outings. Right now I feel like a cloth that has been used, shuffled around, thrown in a corner and left there. I have to reconstruct my life because lately big pieces of it  fell under the pressure of time. Life changes even when you don't want it to change and getting used to it turns to be more difficult that we imagine. So, I apologise to everyone that had to deal with my italian mood swings; despite the impression that I have probably given, you helped to make this experience a great one and I have to thank you.

That said, I can't believe I am actually sitting here waiting for the train. Earlier today it didn’t look like I was going to make it. Two friends came to pick me up from home to go the station, early enough to catch the Eurostar. We took the metro and we were at the station in time. I went to change some euros into pounds (because with my bag stolen last week I had to cancel my card) and  then we made it to the terminal. When we got there this short Belgian woman broke the news: you can’t carry more that two pieces of luggage on the train! Basically the only solution I had was to check my luggage and had it sent to London. Unfortunately I had only five minutes before the train would leave. I thought I was going to have a heart-attack! What???? If I had missed the train I wouldn’t have any money to pay for it!! 

We ran to the check-in, got lost a few times thanks to the lady’s detailed instructions. Once the luggage was checked in, we ran to the terminal only to find out that I couldn't get on the train anymore! We all tried to argue my way in but the lady was so angry! It’s funny how harsh French people sound when they are angry. All the beauty and musicality of the language disappears. Everyone says German is harsh but it’s because they never heard an angry French speaker! Also I don't think German is that harsh, I think it is very elegant. Probably because I never had to deal with angry Germans!!

Anyway, I couldn't get on the train and so the lady showed some mercy and decided to let me on the next train without paying extra despite my ticket being non refundable and not exchangeable. My friends took great care of me and helped in every possible way. I would have never made without them. 

The problem was and still is the train from London to Bath. At the station you can buy train tickets within the UK but unfortunately the only one available was more than 80 euros! My parents managed to change the ticket online. It is funny how now that I am writing everything down, it all sounds less dramatic than it felt while I was living it. 

Anyway, here I am ready to board! I feel like I am going to leave behind a different me. It won’t be the case probably but it feels like living in Brussels was a continuous lesson. It was my first office job, the first experience abroad without any real help. Before I had gone abroad but someone sorted out the accommodation and other various things for me. Here I had to find a place to live, taking responsibilities for my job, I had to make friends etc. I make it sound like I am a very naive girl who hasn't seen anything in her life. It is not true; I lived in Ireland when I was 15, in Russia when I was 21 but every time it was something organised by someone else. Of course I had to get by while I was there but I didn't have to worry about food or accommodation. 

The experience was a great one on my levels, but I am happy to go home. I will have a real chance to put my life together, to understand what I really like and want to do and I get to live in one of my favourite countries surrounded by friends and family. Right it is all I need, I need to feel cared for, loved and safe without any worries and pressure. I feel like I can relax and focus on myself and my needs. I have to thank Brussels because like any other time I was away from home, I had the opportunity, to learn, to grow and meet interesting and different people. I guess this is what makes moving abroad so great the feeling that every time you have something to gain from it. 

Right now I am probably really overwhelmed by different kind of emotions and I will probably be able to explain myself better later when things calm down a bit. Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you that I won’t stop writing, sorry! I figured I have so many friend scattered around the globe that is good for them to have something they can read anytime they want to know how I am getting on. So now I can say to the next time!

Last few days in Brussels

I am back in Brussels after the holidays. I got back two weeks ago. I was lost and depressed. Leaving home felt completely wrong and unnatural, so I promised myself I was never going to leave again. Of course the feeling didn't last long but I believe that was a sign, a sign that I should take into consideration.

My arrival in Brussels was a bit comic. I got off the smallest airplane in the world feeling like shit and by the lack of directions I soon realised I was in Belgium! Understanding how to get to the terminal was not easy! Collecting my bag was not an easy task either: blind, hungry and ill I had to work out the Belgian signs risking to end up on a connecting flight to Jakarta! Anyway once I got my bag I looked for the elevator, I found it and it wasn't working so I had to take a very crowded escalator to the station. I bought myself a ticket for the earliest train but because the one before was delayed I managed to get on early. I was very happy and thought I had been struck by luck but then the train was stuck at the platform for no apparent reason while the ticket officer was keeping the doors open for anyone who wanted to get on! I was standing there wondering what the hell was going on. Finally we set off probably very much delayed! 

I was trying so hard not to think about home that I completely forgot about letting my family know I was safely home. My father in a panic attack called the hotel next door to ask the receptionist to ring our flat and see if anybody was home. There we were and everything was good again. I felt really bad for not giving any news on my whereabouts but I was so torn, disappointed and sad for leaving home (and especially my cat who had died that afternoon) that I couldn't make myself even think about it. 

So here I am. Ten more days in Brussels and then I will be home. I am happy to go home. Everyone probably knows that I love my home and being home. This doesn't mean that I won't miss it here. I will miss the office, my colleagues and all the lovely people I have met in these past six months. For half a year I have been a Bruxelloise and it has been a great experience!

I will leave considerations and other reflections for my last post from Belgium but I will try to describe how I feel. I need to get it out of the system. This has been a tough period for me, Brussels will always be associated with sad memories but it won't be a sad memory. Because of the many things that happened in the last few months I believe that my place is at home with my loved ones. 

I have a strange feeling inside, though. A mix of excitement, anticipation and sadness. Sadness because every time we leave, we inevitably leave a piece of us behind. We meet people along the way, we grow up and we learn and then we leave and somehow not everything comes with us. 

You can understand why I am excited, though. For me this is the beginning of a new adventure.  I am going to study law, something that will help me get a bit closer to my dream job. I will meet new people and reorganise my life. Every time I move I feel like life has given me another chance to redo things  better, another chance to improve and become a better person. Maybe this is the reason why I am so restless; when I am not happy with myself I just pack and buy a ticket to a new destination. This won't be the case this time. This time I have to win over my instincts and stick to one place!

So next time I write to you I will be on my way home! I still have to decide what I am going to do with this blog but stay tuned for one last post from Brussels!