You all know what happened the past week. The sadness has not gone and the sense of loss is still there and sometimes it manifests itself as a lump in my throat. When it’s dark and cold in my room I tell him what I have been doing during the day and he feels closer to me as he has never left.
This is all I am going to say about it because I don’t want to remember the day he left us. He has never left us, he is still here with all of us and he is laughing, chatting and enjoying our company as much as we are enjoying his.
From this experience I feel like I came out a completely different person that cannot see life as I used to. I feel like I should take up his example and try as much as possible to be like him. I know it is wrong but it is the only way I can cope.
My two last weeks have been very busy. I had a friend over for five days. We went to Bruges and Gent, two little, picturesque towns in the Dutch-speaking part of the country. The trip made me realise that Belgium is not ugly but it is actually a very pretty country and that Brussels does not reflect the all country at all. I had a really good time with my friend. We meet on yearly basis just for a week usually but it always feels like we have just seen each other a couple of days before.
Then, more than a week ago, I moved into a new flat! I’m so happy about my new accommodation. I live in Rue du Midi, people who have lived or still live in Brussels, probably will turn up their noses. I know it’s not a nice area of the city but it is such a cool and a bit bohemian flat that I couldn’t resist! It feels kind of homey too, like I have already lived here.
My room is on the back of the house and it overlooks a terrace but also the neighbour’s living room window which was a bit weird until my flatmate decided to put curtains on! Now I see neither the neighbour nor the terrace but I guess this is the price you have to pay if you don’t want to strip every night for a complete stranger.
My flatmate is a very cool Moroccan/ Belgian girl who has a company for commercial and tv series production. She has lived in France, Canada, United States, UK and she has always very interesting things to tell. She is a bit older than me, very generous and kind. The only problem is that she works a lot and so I basically never see her.The first night I had to sleep on my own and it felt very lonely, as I was again on my own in an empty house and a sense of loss. As the days pass I am happy that I can be more on my own because I think I am the kind of person that enjoys her own company. I can do so many things, which are considering solitary activities and I love doing: painting, writing, reading etc. I also made some progress because when I do this kind of stuff I don’t feel lonely anymore, something that used to happen a lot in the past! What does it mean? That I ‘m growing up finally and that I am more confident about the person I am? I hope so at least, those adolescent years of doubting and fear should have ended quite some time ago!
I think that the fact that I don’t feel lonely anymore depends on the kind of job I do. My job is most of the time dealing with people, or at least it has been in the past few days and so I need to stay away from people sometimes! I know I sound like a freak so I want to make it clear: I do enjoy the company of people and of my friends. Here I have lots of fun because I met incredible people but sometimes I need my space because I like that.
My job is getting more interesting and a bit more demanding. This makes it more challenging but also a bit more stressful as if sometimes the outcome really depends on how much effort I put into a project. So far not all the outcomes were positive but I have learnt more from the ones that didn’t go as planned than the ones that went well.
I have also started to like Brussels a bit more so I have applied for a job at Amnesty International as well as the one at the Commission. This is not the place where I want to settle down but it is full of opportunities for someone who wants to work in international organisations. So I have decided to stay, get the experience I want and need and then move back to London.
The only downside is the weather!! It is crazy! This weekend we all went to Bruges and it was so rainy, wet and windy like I have never seen it before in my life! I have lived in England and Russia and really I was not expecting something like that here in Belgium! First of all the wind destroyed my only umbrella that I had bought just a couple of days before, and then the lack of an umbrella completely ruined my hair! You all know how upset I can get if my hair is not as I like it. Despite all of this it was a fun day, spent mostly inside drinking and eating. We went to visit a brewery (can you get more Belgian than that?) and had a beer there, which completely killed me! Belgian beer is so strong for my delicate body!!
Today I bought myself a new umbrella that looks solid enough. I am very proud of my new umbrella even though I fear it will break very soon. I am sure I will go through so many umbrellas this winter!!
This is all that has happened so far. Hope you are all well. I will be back soon enough with more news!
Good night everyone
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